Maximus Gluteus

I read somewhere that six out of ten office workers are overweight. This is news? I thought it was common knowledge that if you sit at a desk all day, your ass will eventually expand to the width of your chair. And my boss just bought me a new, much larger chair, so I am really in trouble.

There's more to it than a simple lack of exercise, though. Office workers are bored. What do bored people talk about? In my experience, sex and food. Harassment laws being what they are, most people decide food is the safer topic. They talk about what they had for breakfast. They talk about where they are going for lunch. They talk about what they are making for dinner. They swap recipes and tips, discuss cooking shows and surf for new meal ideas on the internet. Who wouldn't be ravenous after listening to that all day?

Of course, everyone's favorite way to alleviate the boredom is to check out the snacks some of the more thoughtful employees bring to share. Nothing is tastier than free office food! I went for years without eating a single doughnut, until a former boss started bringing them in once a week. Then I couldn't shovel them in fast enough. My fruit and yogurt just didn't look as good in comparison. I'm not made of stone!o