A Word From Our Sponsor

I've been watching way too much TV lately due to season finales, and I'm noticing way too many annoying commercials, such as:

• The one for an air freshener (Oust? Febreze?) with the voiceover that says, "What smells worse than fish? Fish...and flowers." Just because the living room set is so depressingly, hideously, realistically ugly with that dark wood paneling, sunburst clock and horrid sofa.

• The Skittles ad with the man who uses his long, skanky beard to feed a woman candy. Sick, gross and wrong!

• The commercial where the guy burns both his arms off trying to retrieve a Starburst from a vat of acid.

• The Hardee's commercials where everyone is making disgusting slurping noises while eating their giant nasty burgers, licking cheese off of wrapping paper or eating taco salad with their fingers. Triggers my gag reflex.

Just so I'm not completely negative, here are two that I actually enjoy:

• The Hanes commercial with Kevin Bacon and Michael Jordan. For purely shallow reasons, of course.

• The Pepsi commercial with Jimmy Fallon and Parker Posey. It's hella annoying but it makes me smile because it reminds me of one of my favorite "Onion" headlines: "Jimmy Fallon Six Tantalizing Months From Disappearing Forever." If only it were true!!